Behind the Camera


Alright, here we go. Here I am! For those of you who may be thinking, whoa!? Why is this woman posting this collage of herself? Is she starved for attention? Is she full of herself?

Well, the answer is no and no. I am critical of myself just like all of you other ladies. When I look in the mirror, I see all of my faults.  The reflection of the person looking back at me, is likely not the same person others see when they look at me.

The fact is, I’m just sick of being the woman behind the camera.  The one who never appears to have been part of any memorable moments.

In 3 days I will officially be a year older, and I have come to realize some things this year in terms of aging.  You see, I’m a mother of two youthful, beautiful children.  They have changed my perspective on life in a lot of ways.

I have so many friends who are so critical of their looks that it saddens me.  When I look at them, I don’t see what they see.  I think they are still youthful and beautiful.  They don’t like having their picture taken because they feel too fat, or too ugly.

I see all these comments in social media sites like Facebook where people (mainly women) are putting down those who post pics of themselves on their page.  We identity these pics as “selfies” and that term has been associated with negativity.

Come on ladies!  I realize there are, in fact, those people out there who need that sort of attention and validation from others, but there are those that do not as well.  If a 500 LB woman posted pictures of herself similar to the ones I have posted above, what would you think?  My guess is that we would be happy that she is confident enough to do that.  It’s funny how our thoughts can change based one particular persons appearance.

I know many people saw the article posted in the Huffington Post (because the post circulated around Facebook) about a mom who decided, that despite her self-image insecurities, that she would make a point to include herself in photographs for the sake of her kids.  There was someone on Facebook recently who had a relative pass away.  When they were going through her photographs looking for ones of her for the funeral showing, they couldn’t find any.


It is clear that many women avoid pictures because of insecurities regarding their self-image.  It is clear that many women avoid posting pictures of themselves on social media websites because they don’t want to be “that girl”- the one who is narcissistic because she posted a “selfie”.

One thing I have come realize over the years is that there aren’t a whole lot of men who run around ready to snap photos and capture moments worth remembering.  I noticed when looking through my daughters old photos that I was not in many of them.  Even now, I have so many pictures of my daughter and my baby boy and I’m running out of memory on all my gadgets.

My point is that I am the photographer in my world.  I’m the one who thinks to whip out the camera or the phone to capture moments.  That’s why I haven’t been in many of those pictures.  I was always the person behind the camera.  So, unless you want to start harassing the man in your life to start taking pictures of you, the kids, or you and the kids together, you are going to have to continue taking them yourself.

This is why I have decided that I won’t be afraid anymore.  I won’t be that person who lives in fear of those who will think negatively about me for having posted a picture of myself on a social media site.  I won’t be ashamed because there’s nothing wrong with it.  Even having posted the pictures above really makes me nervous, but in reality…why should I be?

It’s just me.  I’m fully clothed and those photos are head-shots and there is nothing risqué about them.  Some day, I imagine that my children are going to collect all the photographs of me to keep for themselves.  I want to make sure they have plenty to remember me by.

Sure, right now it’s easy to notice every little thing wrong with the way we look, but some day we may wish we could turn back the clock.  Someday, when I’m old and gray…I hope to look at those pictures of myself and remember how youthful and lively I was.  And, when I’m older, my hair has turned gray, and my skin has wrinkled, I doubt these pictures will make me think about how horrible I looked when I was in my thirties.




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