Last Breath

When I was a little girl, I never really imagined myself as an adult.  I mean, as a child I could not even grasp the true concept of that.  Everyone always said, “When I grow up…”, but we really had no idea, did we?  We just said it.  It was almost like a game. Henry shouted Marco and I shouted Polo.

Little Sally would say, “I’m going to be a veterinarian when I grow up”, and we would all nod in agreement. No one dared question it. We would not even conceive of doing such a thing.  After that, little Meg would try to top that by claiming she was going to be a movie-star when she grew up, and not only would we believe it, we would tell her not to forget about us when she, “made it big.”

Look at us now world.  We really had no clue.  Not even an inkling of a clue.

Maybe some of you are doing exactly what you dreamed you would be doing.  Or, maybe some of you are working to accomplish that now.  Kudos and props to all of you. Even more props to you if it is everything you had dreamed it would be and, I am sincere when I say that.

The truth is though, that along with adulthood comes reality.  And, reality is not just the world around us. Reality is a coming of age of the mind.  We have always lived in the real world, but as a child, most of our parents sheltered us from the realities of this world.  They did that to protect us.  Think about that for a moment.  Do you understand now what they were protecting us from? If you are a parent now, you are probably doing the same thing with your own children.

There are things we must do in order to survive and, if you have children, there are others depending on you for their survival as well.  I see so many people struggling and so many people who are just, outright, disappointed.  Disappointed with themselves, disappointed with the world, disappointed with their lives. So many of us hate our jobs, cannot find jobs, complain and let all the problems we may be facing change who we are.  We let the problems with the economy, the “system”, or government decisions devour our time, mind, and essence of being.

It’s easy to let the problems we encounter from daily hassles worry us.  We inadvertently allow the stress of life to get the best of us.  We allow it to change us; We put it on and wear it, allowing it to mask the goodness inside of us.  We become complainers, pessimists, cynical and we blame, blame, blame.  We blame even when fault is not at question.  We blame when fault has nothing to do with the situation.  When has placing blame or fault ever resolved a problem? We take our disappointment with the world and the reality we have gained of it, and we let the negativity bleed into other aspects of our lives.  We lose sight of what is most important.

Disappointment is normal.  This is a learning process.  Life is a journey and we learn and grow from all of our experiences, even the bad ones.  We are going to be unhappy at times.  We are going to be disappointed, worried and stressed. There is nothing wrong with venting.  Let it out.  Throw a fit and scream out loud if you have to.  Do whatever it takes, but do not allow your problems to take away the goodness of who you are.

Before I had my son, I wondered how I would be able to manage spreading my love between two children.  I worried because the love I felt for my daughter, and the time I devoted solely to her seemed to have consumed almost every bit of me already.  After he arrived, I understood.  Love is infinite.  I did not have to spread out the love I had for her.  I was equipped with an endless supply.  What an awakening.

When my time here is over, I will not use my last breath to express my disappointment in life. You will not hear me use my last breath to place blame or fault. My failures will not matter. I will not struggle to speak of regrets, unless those regrets pertain to wishing I had more time to love. And, you will definitely not hear me use my last breath to say that everything was the government’s fault.

Goodness and love is all that matters in the end.  Live it.

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